Darklore (MM) vs. Davy Stoned (Hyper)

[Monster Master]

"I'll do neither!" Darklore shouted as his spider-like spears pointed over his shoulders. Dark energy swirled around each like in some-1980's Nightmare-rip off movie.

"Oh no!!!" Davy shouted as the Shadow Bolts fired. The pirate's body was thrown backward as the dark energy surged through his body. White foam-stuff began to fall from his mouth as Darklore stood tall, flexing.

"I prefer it dark" The God Slayer began as he lifted up his mace and pointed it upward, "Don't you?" The shadow-like dome began to spread out once more, the home-made arena threatening to expanding to full size once again.

[HyperGFreak]

“Oh, all right, ye know what, cockbreath?” Davy snarls as he falls back, spitting out the foam and also launching various globs of liquid in all of his seafood man glory. “I only gave ye one choice, and that was to stop making lazy posts!” Of course, unknown to him was the fact that he had also cursed at Darklore, but that’s irrelevant.

The almighty Claw of Castration had held Davy to the God Slayer when the lightning had struck him, and now he simply swung it back round and over his head like some red, click-clacking flail as he sees the darkness orb expand from the club. “Oh, no ye don’t, not again…”

The Claw makes one full circle, then on its secondary revolution, time seems to slow and the crackle of energy fills the air, a la mode GFW Godzilla prior to blasting Keizer Ghidorah into oblivion. In just the same fashion, golden energy, composed of manhood-shaped sparks, swooshes into the Claw and warps around it, as it moves around and everything goes in slow-mo, the oversized crustacean appendage starts to glow brightly.

Then stuff speeds up again, and the devastating weapon on par with, if not greater than, the club of the God Slayer himself smashes point-blank, full-force, right into Darklore’s chest. The demon looks down, but half a second later he, as well as the survivors in the surrounding area (And it can be noted, aside from suffering a damn severe blackout, most are still alive) are buffeted with an incredible wave of sound that causes old men to drop dead of heart attacks. An incredible explosion shoots out from the Claw’s contact point, as if Davy had fired a 1200 degree Meltdown Goji beam right into Darklore’s upper body.

Golden flame and hot air erupts backwards, creating a funnel around the pirate captain, who turns his head away, beard tendrils flailing and spit still oozing from his lips. Twin concentric circles of force pulse over Darklore’s body, before the God Slayer is suddenly launched back with incredible speed, flying as if he’d been kicked like a soccer ball by Argus himself. He also takes the darkness orb with him.

Before the globe starts to expand and engulf its creator, Davy sees the hellbeast smash into a mass of buildings some two thousand meters away and slide backwards, driving a deep furrow into the ground and colliding with a skyscraper, which starts to fall. He also notes, with some satisfaction, that Darklore’s chest bone armor is mostly shattered and that there is a massive creater, some twenty to thirty meters deep, right in it. Chunks of God Slayer still rain down from the sky.

While he can’t really aim into it all that well, Davy throws five or six Pieces o’ Fate at the orb and sees if the God Slayer can dodge that.

[Monster Master]

The saw-like disks quickly stab into the God Slayer's body. His body twitches and sizzles as the coins begin to surge electricity through the demon's body. Tentacles of lightning wrap around Darklore's body, pumping the demonic deity's body full of electricity.

"You son of a bitch!" Darklore shouts as the electrical zaps begin to weaken and the coils fall from his body and bounce on the ground.

"What's ye' gonna' do!?" Davy laughs with his weird laughter.

The jaws on Darklore's hand snapped open and closed multiple times as if it were laughing. It lifted up, blue, purple, and black bolts wrapping around one another in an orgy of evil colors.

"I'ma blow you in half!" Darklore shouts as a bellowing roar comes from the jaws. The shadow beam fires out at full force, the beam tore through the jeans of Davy's pants, sending a wave of flesh and blood flying from the pirate's crotch in witch the beam struck. It then ripped upward, vaporizing shards of clothes, melting his bling, and sending walls of gore from his belly.

Stoned fell backward, spitting up his previous meal. Smoke rose up from dancing fire on the seaman's body as Darklore moved forward.

"Oh? What's that? You want another!?" Darklore said and answered for the deity of the sea, "OK! HAVE ANOTHER!" He said, launching another beam and targeting Davy's face.

[HyperGFreak]

Davy's Claw instinctively blocks the blast, though the detonation is large enough to singe his normal wrist and scorch his clothing. While his arm is in full condition, his brain apparently isn't, as Davy starts off by growling, "Eh? Ye wanna have another orgy? Sure!"

Figuring out what has happened, Davy does an instantaneous teleport back up to his feet, snarling as he observes the scorched hole in his belly and his slightly warped One Bling to Rule Them All. However, as he turns to face Darklore in a battle stance, legs spread far out with one hand up and the Claw of Castration at the ready, the God Slayer is treated to a horrendous sight, a sight so horrible that he has never seen it before in his years of existence, a sight so horrible that his jaw drops and he utters quite a profane statement.

Davy looks down at his loins as well. "Oh, shit!"

A dark trail of burned squid-flesh has been left all the way up from Davy's lower extremities up into his central body, but perfectly intact in the middle of it all are Davy's unnaturally resilient genitals. His shriven and wrinkled dick, ridiculously small even when compared in proportion to a kaiju, jabs out of his crotch like a stubby wart, while his more normal-sized scrotum dangles with its zipper half open and the red glint of Fido the Kraken's Poké Ball visible.

"Ye like it?" Davy roars in a manner not dissimilar to what Darklore had done about five seconds previously. "Then ye can have it!"

Suddenly, Davy teleports forwards a second time, right into the demon's face, and raising his hand and his claw to the sky, begins to party boy the God Slayer, jumping forwards little by little and humping the air while Darklore, his face a mask of disgust, steps back holding his club in front of him. "Unce unce unce unce unce unce-"

The deity of the seas draws to an abrupt halt, turns sideways and gives Darklore the middle finger. However, this is no ordinary bird, for the tentacle-like appendage swirls and suddenly lashes out and into Darklore's mouth. The God Slayer gives a start, but too late: the tendril rockets through his innards and rips out of his anus moments later, blackish, rapidly disintegrating chunks coming out with it and tiny particles, either shit or bits of flesh, falling with it.

But the pirate captain isn't done yet. He whips his finger above his head, as if he was a slavedriver enticing his peons to move faster, then slams it back down, smashing it, and Darklore, onto the ground with terrible force. The earth cracks, shards of cement rain up and shower them both with a hail of shrapnel, and buildings begin to topple. Davy lifts Darklore up with a crack of his finger a second time, repeating the process, and then a third, and then a fourth, each time slashing with his bird and sending waves of kinetic energy across. The whiplash jerks Darklore's frame into position with it, and as the wiggly parts pass over his body, the God Slayer is jerked and slammed into positions that a contortionist would envy.

After the fifth slam, the agony stops as Davy retracts his finger, staring cross-eyed at the chunky stuff on it in disgust. Darklore, meanwhile, reacts in a way archetypal of one who has just been tentacle raped, fittingly in Japan, homeland of tentacle rape and Hokusai's "The Fisherman Wife's Dream" carving centuries ago. Frame in agony from the multiple jerkings and twisting, blackish fluids from internal damages and disintegrating internals pours from his asshole, while he coughs more up out of his mouth, this latter place also intermingled with larger chunks. There is a small gash in his back, probably opened up by the whippings of the finger.

Davy then runs over to the nearest superstore, which he assumes to be a Wal-Mart but is actually an Albertson's, since he saw it from behind. Clenching his claw around it, he rips it and its foundations out of the ground, then hurls it at Darklore's head.

[Monster Master]

Darklore remained tall as blood leaked from both his maw and his.. 'ass'.. if that's what one calls that rear of a living shadow. The building is thrown at the God Slayer but passes harmlessly through him and exploded on the ground like a cheap model from a 1960's move.

Both giants stand facing one another for what seems like decades. Neither spoke and neither moved as blood spurt from each body. Like an angel rising, Darklore's body slowly began to drift into the air, spinning ever-so slowly as he held his mace up.

It cackled with demonic energies as a bolt of blue lightning randomly came from the sky and zapped the mace. With menacing laughter coming from the demon, bolts of Shadow Lightning began to fire in every directly. A flower-shaped explosion rose up from the ground around each titan, engulfing the mythical pirate in a wall of searing hot fire.

Smoking and tired, his flesh burnt black and tentacles turned stumps, Davy fell forward with a groan. The ground shuck like an earthquake before Darklore's bare feet touched it again. His mace continued to surge with darkness as he began to unleash more of his attack on the fallen deity.

[HyperGFreak]

Once again, Davy takes advantage of his ability to teleport instantaneously and without any outwards signal at all, disappearing and rapidly reappearing behind Darklore. Before the God Slayer can spin around with the demented mace o' doom, Davy jumps on his back, almost like a crazy whore trying to get one last shove-shove push-push, and the two spin and stumble around for a few moments, stomping buildings around their feet into mush and trampling the floor like super-sized elephants.

The struggle draws to a close when Davy, with a last wince, produces more beard tendrils from apparently nowhere and rapes - erm, clutches at Darklore with them, sending a roiling mass of tentacles over his face and shoulders and pulling the God Slayer back, where they both hit the ground with enough force to smash up a storm of shrapnel. The deity grins nastily as he rolls over, pinning Darklore beneath him. For a moment, the two look at each other.

Then, at complete and utter random, Davy reaches into his charred clothes and withdraws his bottle of Smirnoff, which really looks more like a bottle of lighter fluid. He touches it to his cheek pore, causing steam to float out of it as it puckers, then he grins at Darklore. "Smoke?"

As the God Slayer stares at him incredulously, Davy takes a sip of the stuff and exhales gently into his foe's face, covering it in white steam and forcing the demonic creature to make a face of disgust.

Finally, the pirate shakes his head and lifts up the bottle of Smirnoff. "Arr, if ye can't drink a real man's booze than ye'll not be a real man for much longer!"

Without further ado, he hefts the body and sprays hundreds of gallons of burning hot Russian alcohol down Darklore's neck, before quickly jumping back about sixty meters. In that moment, all hell breaks loose inside the demon's innards. Fire and flame gushes from his mouth like a living volcano, while orange flickers can be seen inside Darklore's chest, a bright glow traveling down deeper and deeper while more fire belches from his mouth. Within more moments, flame literally tears out of Darklore from the inside, trails and clutching talons of bright orange heat ripping out of every inch of the God Slayer's body and setting him on fire.

Davy watches in satisfaction as the demon's innards are melted and chunks of burned rubber stuff starts to fall all over, then steps back and tries to kick Darklore in the nuts with his crab leg.

[Monster Master]

The crab leg swung forward, but something was wrong. Instead of impaling Darklore's demonhood, it simply went through it as if Darklore became hollow. Why?

Because he did.

The drink inside his body fell right through it now, splashing on the ground. Davy was frantic, like a crazed school girl he repeatedly tried to strike Darklore as he stood up, but nothing was working. The demon smiled as placed his mace on his back and then raised both arms in a fighting manor.

"Let's dance!" The God Slayer laughed as he threw out a punch. The strike smashed Davy in the jaw, sending the pirate stumbling back out of shock.

The demon moved forward and Davy put up defensive arms. The God Slayer let out a laugh as his body spun, his leg lifted up. The leg went through the arms and smashed hard on Davy's face. The round-house kick sent the pirate to the ground. Blood began to spill from his gapping maw now.

"What ye'?" The pirate tried to ask, but his next words were cut short. Darklore's hand gripped his throat, but the pirate's arms couldn't grip his arm.

With a show of strength, Darklore stood the man up. He stood wobbly from the beating already, and the demon knew it was working. He reached behind his back and pulled out his mace..

Davy's eyes grew wide in terror before the club-like weapon came down on his skull. He screamed in pain as the flesh of his head was rendered to hamburger. A dent was now on his head, wounds spat out blood, and he fell to his back, clutching his head.

"Come on!" Darklore laughed as he turned his body back to normal. He pointed the mace at the pirate and fired a Shadow Bolt at the wounded skull.

[HyperGFreak]

The bolt smites Davy directly in the forehead, causing the pirate to fall back alternately roaring, cursing, and mourning his badly damaged hat. Still, like many normal humans who lose control of their bodily functions when put under extreme stress, Davy inadvertently does some stuff that would be considered embarrassing for anyone else. He doesn’t crap in his pants or urinate, but he does belch.

And boy, is it one helluva belch. The super-Smirnoff previously ingested by the pirate kicks in, and from between his yellowed teeth erupts rapid fire orbs of flame. They aren’t the most formidable thing, but they are plentiful, and even though Darklore is tough as rubber and much more resilient than a Hyper Gyaos, the effect is still quite devastating. In about two to three seconds, about thirteen, fourteen fireballs rocket from Davy’s lips, one after another, in a powerful train.

The God Slayer snarls, his body jerked and slammed around by the concussions inflicted on his frame by the offensive storm of heat, each projectile smashing into roughly the same spot right above his crotch. Each strike sends a storm of burned, steaming chunks into the air, and the point of impact grows steadily brighter, flickers of deep red spreading over the area as if Darklore had a rash.

Then the last fireball hits, and it is almost as if a bomb was detonated right there in Darklore’s already scorched insides. A gout of flame rockets out of him, spreading over his face, and large chunks of disintegrating flesh bounce of Davy as Darklore stumbles back about a hundred and a half meters, furious at the newly formed English Chunnel right through his midsection.

With a grin, Davy grabs the dickface Norrington’s rapier and holding it behind him, fencing style, charges with his other hand – erm, crustacean claw held before him and clacking away.

[Monster Master]

The attack, like before, doesn't find its mark. It simply goes through Darklore's hollow build. Without mercy, the mace of the God Slayer swings itself upward, smashing into Davy's lower jaw, sending teeth and flesh flying upward. Consequently, he also bit his own tongue, and now a stream of ooze was dripping from the corners of his mouth.

"You can't touch me!" Darklore mocked as he brought one of his hands to his face to move it.. He didn't know if the pirate watched WWE, but he knew the next move would throw that statement off.. "BECAUSE THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE BECAUSE I SAID SO!" He shouted, lifting up a leg and smashing it in Davy's gut. In a second, Darklore's body turned and arm wrapped around Davy's neck.

In the distance, miles away, Jim Ross was shouting "STONE COLD STUNNER! STONE COLD STUNNER!" The attack connected, and as if he was The Rock, Davy's body flopped on the ground like a fish. Head-over-heels he went before laying still, twitching.

Continuing his WWE carrer, the demon moved forward and grabbed the pirate's boot. He then put him in.. THE ANGLE (ankle) LOCK!

[HyperGFreak]

As a matter of fact, Davy does watch WWE, because in two thousand years in a ship with a piece of crap television in your room, there's not much else to watch except muscular men with their faces painted white body slamming each other like they wanna get all kamikaze in each other's beds. Still, the pirate has no intention to counter the attack, instead going transparent AGAIN just for the hell of getting to stand up and say, "YOU CAN'T TOUCH ME EITHER, BITCH!"

This has the unfortunate side effect of having Davy step into the relative area of Darklore's body, where their two frames are essentially overlapping, Davy's solid one sinking into the rubbery frame of the other, and at that moment, the pirate takes the initiative and simply slides himself right into the God Slayer's body.

The demonic creature takes about half a second to realize what is going on, and to give him credit he has quite a strong will. Davy, however, is already prepared for the sensation, and moves much faster than Darklore, taking the bone spurs on Darklore's back and whipping them down to shatter the beast's bony head armor and stab them both through his head and into his lower maw, skewering it shut. He also manages to fire some Shadow attacks point blank into the enclosed space before Darklore expels him, though that obviously does very little overall.

Davy is then thrown backwards out of the God Slayer, landing flat on his rump and hastily righting himself, kicking the legs out from beneath Darklore as he goes. Relatively unhurt, he falls on his back, staring straight up as Davy leaps into the air, and throws out all his limbs like a spread-eagled bird, plummeting down as if he was about to body-slam the fallen guy lolling on the mat.

[Monster Master]

"BY GAWWD KING THIS IS A SLOBBERKNOCKER!" Ross commented in the distance as he whipped up some of his famous BBQ.

Davy's cross-body (what you just did, FYI) landed on Darklore, smashing his entire body on the demons. The pirate pulled himself to his knees and spat out some fluid to the side. As if he were the undertaker though, and simply because an attack like that isn't much, Darklore sat up. The God Slayer's skeleton hand gripped the pirate's throat, pulling him to his feet as he himself stood.

The monster turned Davy sideways and held him in the air. He knelled down, stretching out one knee and at the same time, lifting Davy over his head. With random curses and shouts, the demon smashed Davy back first over his knee.

"One!" An invisible ref shouted in the demon's mind. The monster repeated this four more times before letting the pirate roll off his knee and slump on the ground. If he was a normal man, his back would be broken, but for now, it wasn't. It just hurt like a bitch.

Then, as if The Rock, the demon ran away from the pirate. He came back, leaping over his head, and then stopped. His leg kicked out and his body came down, ready to deliver.. THE PEOPLE'S ELBOW!

[HyperGFreak]

"Oh, to hell with this," Davy mumbles as he thinks about how much he's going to have to pay for that damn back massage later on, also fervently wishing that WWE had never come into being as he glances up at Darklore.

Deciding to end all the pro wrestling fun here and now, Davy clamps the Claw of Castration shut, sucking waves after waves of energy into it just as he had previously. The demon, rather unfortunately, happened to be directly above the pirate, and unless he somehow manages to pull a Matrix-style move and defy the laws of physics, there's no way he's going to reverse direction fast enough to evade the attack, which pleases the deity of the seas no end.

The last vortex of energy sucked into the crustacean appendage, the Claw fizzling with stored energy, Davy winds up once and smashes Darklore with a terrible uppercut from beneath. The result is akin to that of the old Mortal Kombat games, only increased tenfold; the connection of the attack and the God Slayer's body showers the surrounding area with chunks of bone, flesh, and liquid, spraying everyone and everything. Darklore's back arches as the blow strikes solidly in its middle, hurling him a good four to five hundred meters in the air.

Davy smirks in satisfaction as he stands, knowing full well that Darklore's back hurts just as much as his does, especially with the ginormous crater now in it, and he decides to punctuate the moment by belching another storm of fire into the sky...

[Monster Master]

The first three smash into Darklore's build, throwing the God Slayer back and making him land with a thud. The next set passed through his body with no effect, simply exploding on the ground. Enraged, Darklore stands up.

"I can do that too!" He shouts, opening up his hand's jaws and releasing his balls. Davy, like Darklore, is thrown back, his clothes burning and flesh bleedings. As he falls back, he then begins to fire his Shadow Bolts.

(OOC: Lazy Post)

[HyperGFreak]

((OOC: Don't blame me for pushing the limit...blame my school...))

Davy falls back, bleeding and smoking, but somehow manages to recover and pivot about his crab leg, swinging around with his Claw out in front of him and trying to block the projectile. Even so, the Claw only takes the side of the beam lengthwise, and the rest of it skews up Davy’s sleeve and explodes somewhere near his elbow, causing him to snarl something in agony. He then turns and glares at Darklore, unsheathing the AIDs Blade as he does.

“Ye stupid dumbass, I told ye not to make a lazy post!” Davy snarls. He then pivots sideways, turning his body so that his side with his sword arm faces Darklore, its blade menacing the demon, while his Claw is thrown out behind him, curving over his head in a fencing pose and clacking.

“EN GARDE, BITCH!” Davy roars, leaping forwards as his wrist, lower arm, and sword become a silvery blur akin to what hell breaks loose in rapid-fire special attacks in games.

A loud slashing and crunching noise fills the air, followed by a rapid swishing as Davy shows off AND covers Darklore in a net of deadly steel at the same time, getting a rapid five or so strikes per second that connect with a painful sounding shick coupled with bits and pieces of Darklore sailing into the sky. For the first few barrages, Davy concentrates on quick, in-and-out blows on Darklore’s chest, sending cracks and shatter marks along what remains of his plating and leaving deep, oozing rifts and fissures all along his chest in both diagonal directions. It soon covers itself in a dozen or so valleys, but the pirate isn’t finished.

Davy then turns his attention to scooping blows directed at Darklore’s upper limbs, much to the God Slayer’s dismay. C-shaped trails mark the passage of the AIDs Blade as it smites his arms, kaiju fist-sized chunks of rubbery flesh being thrown fifty to sixty meters in every direction and making his arms and face look like someone took a meat tenderized to them. That being done, in perfect 20-hit combo Street Fighter style, Davy leaps into the air, and brings his recently charged Claw down.

Time seems to freeze as the glowing object halts about ten meters from Darklore’s head. That only occurs for a brief moment, however, as Davy suddenly finishes his movement, his the sexual weapon landing a direct blow on Darklore’s head. A pulse ring rockets out vertically from the impact point and an eruption of golden sparks shoot out around the seafood man as Darklore is thrown back, his limbs hurled out and his head bowed down by the force of the blow, bouncing over the ground.

Davy finishes by landing, Claw skimming the ground, with his crab leg embedding firmly in the ground and his other knee bent. With a vicious grin, he reaches out with his middle finger and prepares to lash Darklore in the chest.

[Omegarex24]

One more post each, then I'll call it.